An interesting dilemma has developed these past few weeks. One I suspect is not unique to our family. Since I am at home with Simone, and she sees me day in day out, she responds to my authority with reasonable affability. Not the case with Sandra, whose attempts at convincing Simone it’s time for bath or bed or cleanup or you name it have lately been met with howls of derision, flailing limbs, and many tears of despair.

This has a twofold effect on Sandra. First, she worries she’s failing in some regard, as she cannot get Simone to do her bidding…and I don’t mean in the forceful sense, but simply in the encouraging, convincing way parents work with their kids. Nothing could be further from the truth, of course. Sandra is an exceptional mother, caring and understanding and intuitive.

The other side effect of such evening tensions is that they make it difficult to end the day on a positive note. Tensions at work (if existing) can also make for certain constraints in temperament at home. Simone’s outbursts simply add to this. What should be a gradual progression is now a teeth-grinding, loud event.

I chatted with Simone’s Wednesday child-minder and she also mentioned similar issues with her daughter, who expends a fair amount of energy rebuking her father’s attempts at evening rituals. She made some interesting observations which coincided with mine:

• Because Sandra is gone for most of the day, and only sees Simone for a concentrated period before bed, Simone’s emotions are jacked. She has all this anticipation and excitement and perhaps confusion as to how these feelings should be manifested, so she simply unloads–sometimes to a greater explosive degree than others.
• Bath time is associated, most likely, with the end of play time–and sadly the end of “mommy time” too. What kid wants that, especially when their parent has been absent for so long?
• It’s the end of the day when surely a child’s capacities are nearing an end–not to mention a parent’s.
• The parent who is at home during the day establishes parameters with their child over a longer period of time. The away parent not as quickly, simply because they’re not at home to do so. This is not a “good vs. bad” comment, but an observation. For the parent who works away from home, different methods are required to establish boundaries.

I don’t have the answers for this just yet. I like the idea of making bath time “fun”, but I think it has to be fun for both parties. So maybe the issue lies in making sure Simone knows Mom is enjoying the bath time too. Our childminder suggested dangling the feet in the tub with the child, or climbing right on in. The latter being a bit difficult if you ever saw the size of our townhouse tub. I can fit maybe one ass-cheek in there.

I’m interested in what other people’s experiences have been in this matter. I think this is most likely a universal issue. Of course, now I’ll get a comment where someone extols their child as angelic and never a problem. Right, well…up yours, then (kidding). The rest of you normal folk who recognize the keen lack of divinity in your children and their behavioral patterns–what say you?