Crabby baby on the floor, goes from one forbidden area to another: the lamp cord, the fake logs in the fire place, the baseboard heater filaments, the stairs. I try to make dinner.

Simone, do not touch that please.

What? You mean this? This thing here? This exact item that I am currently touching? This one? Right?

What did I just say?

Not sure, maybe you could repeat that while I try to yank the fake logs out of the fireplace and turn them into drumsticks. What? Can’t hear you.

I place Simone on the floor amongst her toys. But who wants toys when there is so much forbidden fruit? And how does one baby manage to avoid all her toys and move from bad object to bad object? And how did I forget to eat lunch?

Maybe I’m crabby.

I need a nap.